Oct 31, 2020 headlines

As a Hallowe’en treat here are some 2020 headlines and article excerpts inspired by an e-mail from one of our avid readers who provided most of the text.

  • Steel ban goes into effect in NS

Since steel can be used to make dangerous items such as swords, nails, scissors and toe-nail clippers it is “not wanted in the province” the Premier is quoted as saying. …

  • EFRWLGB Action Centre praises  new factory!

“The Ecology Fists Raised Women’s and LGB Action Centre, recently boosted by a new Fair Trade Co-Op hemp-fibre sandal-making factory staffed by Cape Breton economic refugees, is encouraged by estimates that over 50,000 people will die of starvation or leave the province, which in turn will encourage  popular and beneficial trees such alders and poplars to grow on abandoned yards and will increase the population of the endangered bollock-knickered moss and nimbyiusretiredus liverwort, therefore increasing biodiversity ….

  • Nova Scotia Flower Power prays for wind
“Nova Scotia Flower Power, formerly Nova Scotia Power, expects that Halifax will be able to operate the navy’s shipyards within the next two weeks, or even earlier if the wind picks up but hopes it does not pick too much and drive the windmills into safemode, and/or if the sun shines again for at least two hours. A ceremony in cooperation with aboriginal shamans to pray for windy sunny weather is planned for next week.
  • NS Liberal Assembly reaction
The Nova Scotia Liberal Assembly reacted positively to the recent NS Flower Power’s Press release. It pledged to remind Ottawa that just because we are green and have a low carbon footprint does not mean we can’t build ships here, and demanded that Ottawa reconsider its policy of building ships in  polluting places such as Victoria or St  John’s (where, according to Ottawa, delivery times can be met)”.
  • Sandals for school children campaign goes into high gear
– Schoolchildren will be encouraged to wear the new Fair Trade (TM) enviro-sandals manufactured in the province by refugees, which not only help reduce our carbon footprint and therefore make us feel better but also can be smoked for medicinal purposes and therefore make us all feel better…”.
  • NS bucks trend, encourages retirees
– “Nova Scotia continues to buck the trend amongst most Canadian provinces, and expects to remain the province with the highest proportion of retirees; River Moon Phoenix Flower, Director of the South Mountain Forest Watch group and and former CEO of ThermalCoal Inc. (Boston) and PlasticCrapImportsFromAsia (San Diego), says that these figures are welcome and that anything we can do to maintain Nova Scotia as a nature preserve and an example for generations to come (if we have any) should be a priority”.
  • Summer Residents given status
– “The Residents Association of Digby decided at a townhall meeting that full-time resident status should be given to anybody who owns property in the Digby area; the motion was passed unanimously by those present, and mayor River Moon Phoenix Flower and councillor Bob Smith, formerly of San Francisco and past president of DarkPool Hedge Funds Inc., welcomed the decision: “I think it is important that all of us who own land matter here in Digby, even if we only live here for a few weeks a year”.
Now that’s scary!

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